IT'S NOT THE EPL, IT'S THE PREMIER LEAGUE!

.. but regardless of this fine statistic, lets move on.

The Premier League has started, been going for 2 games now, and it's been a bit of a goal fest already, with Chelsea smashing copius amounts of goals past any sorry twat that thinks sticking 4 at the back is capable cover. It's not. But the sheer amount of goals aren't what brought Chelsea to my mind, its this...
My main problem is the orange bits? It's got a streakier fake tan than most council estate slags., then again, could be worse, you could have to wear this "striking" number every time you play away...
Elsewhere in the 'EPL' (as it is now being referred to on certain football message boards), theres already been a bit of a laugh. Mainly at the expense of Wigan....and how theyre shit.

Other teams that were having a nice time were teams such as Blackpool, as the hearty fans got a real taste of the premier league, when the tangy orange bastards got a good hiding at The Emirates. Ell Ohh Ell on their behalf.

But, theres been some wonderful statistics floating about, and some of which, unsurprising, such as Lee Cattermole winning the award/suspension for first red card of the season, and Wigan winning the most goals conceded game...and the least scored.

Normally, it's about sport these days, and sport in general, but other than the USPGA the other week, where Dustin Johnson cocked up by putting his club down in a bunker, the gimp, and lost his spot in the play off, which, eventually, a German won. This was surprising, because this playoff was against an American. Although, to ensure the Sherman Tank won, I think theyre required a mighty fine British representative to ensure everything was going just fine.

Otherwise, in my mind, no other sport has actually happened, apart from shit ones, that nobody really cares about. Sweet.

Oh, wait, there was, as fellow Briton, Andy Murray won some tennis matchplaygamething. Well done Andy.
But then he lost another one the other day, Scottish twat.

Itz deed m8.

..Tour de France happened, pre season friendlies happened, cricket happened, formula 1 happened, a spot of golf occured and some super league rugby happened, all in all, nothing to report this time.

APART FROM THE EMIRATES CUP! (because the entire nation stood still for that one...NAAAAAAT)

But, then again, as one season looks set to kick off, a look back at least years football season wouldn't go a miss...

So Chelsea won and the mafia got their hands on another bit silverwear, while Didier Drogba scored loads of goals past loads of teams, which still fails to over take his "ITS A DISGRACE" outburst at number 1 on my list of "Favourite things Didier Drogba has ever done as far as I know of."

Teams scraped while others soared and surprisingly, one of the relegation favourites made it into the top 10, as my beloved Sunderland were outshone by their B team, A.K.A Stoke City.

And Portsmouth eventually got told off for avoiding their debts and taxes, sweet.

Statistcally, Drogba was the best striker in the league scoring 29 goals whilst Kevin Davies reminded us all that he's the hardman around town by snapping 103 people, and claimed the crown of "footballer who's tackles are dirtier than a council house kitchen" award. Stefan Maierhofer was the only man that Peter Crouch looked up to last season, whilst, according to the Premier League statistics page, Marton Fulop is two people, both of which are the exact same height, personally, I think it's his evil twin brother.

Blackpool, West Brom and Newcastle all made it into the big boys league, and Leeds are going into The Championship, but here, we will take a Prince style slant on it and call it "The league that was formerly known as The Fizzy Pop league".

So, after spending millions of pennies on players most of us have never heard of, and giving them enough money to buy a 3 bedroom semi every week, lets hope it's a good season ahead.

As my old man would say; "Football is a game for wankers, but, i'll still pretend to enjoy it as long as it stops your mam from talking to me for an hour and a half"

FTM.