So, I vanished slightly...

..after being placed in an Austrian basement. swkd.

So, when I was in there, actually nothing happened, sport went really boring, like, really really boring. And in the past few months the only interesting thing that happened went on off the pitch when Titus "Shambles" Bramble raped some bitch or some shit. The main "RAPE" claim came from Chamakh.

And, because I havent been immerserd with funny witterings about sport, Ive delved into the sub group of some form of social realism, which has seen me turn to drinking coffee and holding conversations about Space Crocodiles.

In essence, it's important we all believe in these not so seemingly mythical creatures. Heres some stats to warm you to the thought and truth of the Space Crocodile, or Crocodillis Spacius in its Latin form:

1. The Space Crocodile has created every crop circle. Ever.
2. We only reched the moon because the Space Crocodile allowed us to visit his home planet on a three week visa.
3. The Space Crocodile LibDem government is unhappy that we have taken to placing a space station on the moon.
4. The average Space Crocodile is 66.72 times more likely to concieve on the moon than the average Council Estate slag.
5. 22% of Space Crocodiles still believe Pluto to be a planet rather than a "large star"

Now, although there is no actual proof that Space Crocodiles exist, or that Crocodiles can ever travel into the seemeningly endless realms of space is 100% unrpoven, but, this picture suggests what it could look like.





Anyway, we all know these animals dont exist, "But what are you getting at Tom?" I hear you cry? Well, i'll explain.

In some sort of philosophical way..ish.

Basically, the problem today is the real world, take a look at it, people are earning £120 000 a week while theres people without a home or food or water round the corner. Children who can't afford shoes and leather produce shoes and leather, whilst we endlessly drone on about how shit our life is because we've chipped a nail or dyed your hair and its went a funny colour. I'd hate to see you starve. In fact, no, I'd love it. Get some humility about you.

But the point is, by believing in such nonsense, it keeps your mind void from the harsh realities of life and cruel, harshness of the outside world. And it's also funny to see peoples reactions when you justify your belief in a Crocodile species adapted to space. Mind. Fuck.

So, instead of worrying about the rain and the windy and whether i'll get shot for running through a ticket barrier whilst wearing a backpack and sweating like a fat lass at a disco in my local train station, I immerse myself in a world thats more comforting than a world filled of AS level resits and fucking UCAS applications.

FUCK YOU WORLD.




Next time it's back to sport...

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTBALL!

... was bypassed by me this week. Unfortuantely/fortunately, I was on holiday, so most of it flew by, apart from the Malaga game, which allows me to report, outside of Barcelona and Madrid, Liga BBVA is a bit shit. A lot like the SPL.

However, I did get the Sunderland game, venturing down the hill to the nearest pub, sat in the corner that the air conditioning couldnt reach, I watched the match, and, enjoyed it, it was a good advert for the game. And my boys popped up with a nice little surprise with a 1-0 win.

The Ryder Cup team was also announced this week, and well, Paul Casey was the shock emission from the team, all because he went money chasing in America, when, in all fairness, after spending almost every day of the year either playing or practicing in the gym, I dont blame the fella. But not only that, he's the 8th best player in the world, and taking him out is like removing Harold Shipman from the docotr of the year awards! BLOODY DISGRACE!

Otherwise, sport was a none even over the week, yet again. Some man drove a motorbike fastest and won, and man drove a funny looking car fastest and won, rugby teams scored the most points and won and Pakistan cheated and didnt win. ALL OF WHICH IS NOT INTERESTING OR SURPRISING.

So, i'll just sit here for another few days with a huge ear infection, check up on some Golf, and then watch BRITISH tennis star Andy Murray in the tennis the Scottish twat cocks up.